How do vulva-havers masturbate?

When it comes to getting down to business with yourself, you may have always masturbated a certain way. You might have never given it a second thought, or maybe you’ve wondered if it’s the “right way”. “Am I a weirdo for liking it this way?” You might ask, “How do most people self-pleasure?”  

As a professional sex coach, I’m here to tell you the truth: vulva or not, everyone approaches masturbation differently because different things feel good to different bodies.

In this article we’ll cover the many perks of masturbation, different ways people with vulvas self pleasure, why the big O isn’t everything, and where you can learn more.

Why you should be sold on solo play

According to one study, approximately 85.5% of vulva-havers masturbate and, many start around age of 13. With that said, there is no “magic age” where people begin, and some start much earlier or much later. 

A lot of my clients have always felt a sense of guilt or shame about masturbation, but masturbation is actually good for you. 

Beyond the obvious feel-good reasons, there are lots of health benefits. Setting time aside to pleasure yourself can:

• reduce feelings of stress

• improve your concentration

• put you in a better mood

• give relief to menstrual cramps

• help you get a good night’s sleep

• boost your sex life

Furthermore, learning what feels good to your body can help you share those same pleasures with a partner. Which is why research backs that vulva-owners who masturbate have more orgasms with their partners as well. Score!

Still, masturbation can be a difficult topic for some. Our culture places a lot of shame in sexuality, translating into feeling guilty or “dirty” before, during or after self-pleasure.

Doing even more damage is the stereotype that vulva-havers don’t watch porn (adding to feelings of guilt for doing so) -- but that’s simply not true! Plenty of vulva-havers watch porn, and why shouldn’t they? We might bemoan the irresponsibility of many in the porn industry: how porn teaches young people the wrong ideas, how porn is traditionally created for cis men, the racism inherent in many porn videos, and more. But when we watch high-quality, ethically-produced porn there are plenty of benefits:

• feeling more comfortable with your body (seeing similarities between your body and others)

• higher likelihood of orgasming

• easier arousal & more pleasurable orgasms

So, with all these positives to solo play, why does masturbation get such a bad rep? Oftentimes it comes down to a lack of information. The more ways we can learn to pleasure our bodies, the more of these benefits we can enjoy.

Different ways to explore your body

There is no one “right” way to enjoy yourself. The key is to find what feels good for YOUR body. (After all, every body is different!) Check out all the different ways vulva-owners pleasure themselves -- and maybe get a few new ideas for yourself. You do you!

Clitoral

This hotspot has over 8,000 nerve endings and is the only organ designed specifically for pleasure! It may be best to start slow, with circular light touches or pressure. 

Keep in mind, the clitoris is like an iceberg: there’s far more to it than meets the eye. The clitoris has long legs that reach down the length of your vulva, so adding pressure or stimulation to either side of your labia or clitoral hood may also feel good. 

Experiment with different types of clitoral sex toys, with sucking or vibrating attachments. Adding the wet feeling of lube can be pleasurable as well!

Vaginal

If it’s something you’re interested in, vaginal penetration can feel good. With the help of some lube, your fingers or a toy, there’s plenty to explore in this area. 

Experiment with the different levels of penetration and girth to discover what feels best. Some vulva-havers enjoy feelings of fullness while others prefer deeper penetration. You can also experiment with finding your g-spot just inside and on the anterior (top) wall of your vagina for extra spine-tingling fun.

Not into penetration? Don’t worry! Dry humping is also a very natural way to experience pleasure and the pressure on your genitals can often be enough.

Anal

The entrance of the anus has about 4,000 nerve endings, about the same as the tip of a penis. Meaning you don’t have to go inside to enjoy this sensitive area. With the help of some lube, try circling the outside before heading in. For deeper penetration, try using a sex toy for anal play. Experiment with different girths and levels of penetration to see what feels best.

Combination

You can also experiment with inserting a butt plug while stimulating the clit or penetrating yourself with a dildo. Anal penetration hits on the parasympathetic nervous system, which can lead to an incredibly relaxing experience, and bring your self-pleasure sesh to the next level. 

This one largely comes down to preference, vulva-havers may enjoy more than one way of masturbation and find that combining them feels even better. 

Erogenous Zones

Don’t forget, your genitals aren’t the only areas that can feel good! Other areas of your body need love too.

Spend time checking out your erogenous zones to add another layer of pleasure to your solo play. Everyone has different zones: soft, light touches might feel good on your nipples, neck, ears, thighs, scalp, legs, toes and other areas. Pinching these areas can also bring on different sensations and pleasures. 

Let go of the pressure -- orgasm isn’t the point

It’s important to take your time and enjoy this solo adventure. Pleasure is pleasure! Even without an end-goal in mind.

Going into masturbation with only the big O in mind can set you up for frustration. Too much pressure can take away the fun. While orgasming is definitely enjoyable, the whole point is to learn what feels good to YOU and YOUR body. 

If you orgasm, that’s great, but it shouldn’t be your main focus!

Think of this as a self-care experience. Set the tone by setting up your environment -- focus in on your 5 senses. What you taste, touch, smell, hear and see?

Try lighting a sexy candle, dimming the lights and putting on your favorite erotica, porn or steamy audiobook. Foreplay isn’t just for partnered sex! There are lots of ways you can help yourself get in the mood.

You deserve more pleasure in your life

It’s time to unshackle the shame of self-pleasure and see it for what it is: a chance to relax, unwind, and provide yourself a feel-good, relaxing experience. And remember: there’s no wrong route to pleasure. 

If you’re looking to add more pleasure into your life, become a better lover (to yourself and partners), or if there’s a sexual issue you’re looking to overcome, I’m here to help. Click here to learn more about sex and dating coaching with me.